My Partner Hates that I’m an Entrepreneur - Here’s What They Really Mean

I have been running my company for almost seven years. And, without fail, my wife and I have roughly the same conversation every year. It goes a little something like this:

“Why are you stressed? Why are you worried about the business?”

“Well, we just have a lot going on.”

“If it stresses you out that much, should you just stop? I don’t want you like this when you get home. It affects your time with our family and me.”

“I know, it’s just a season. I’ll get through it.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“No.”

“Sometimes, I think our lives would be easier if you had a normal job.”

Stop me if you’ve heard that one before. And, to be honest, she’s not wrong. A large majority of my stress and anxiety is directly tied to my life as a founder and CEO. There’s no escaping that. I know she ultimately wants what is best for our family.

But to be honest, it can make me feel alone and misunderstood. It can be challenging for someone who doesn’t have an entrepreneurial mentality to understand why we’d put ourselves through so much stress. And I totally get that. One of the hardest parts about being an entrepreneur is managing your marriage or relationship.

She’s not wrong, and I’m not wrong. We are just different.

She comes from a traditional family with a traditional mindset when it comes to career paths. All she has known is that you go to school, get a job, work there for 40 years, and then retire. The idea that a startup might be here one day and gone the next is just something not worth considering. She believes in stability, comfort, financial organization, and predictability. Needless to say, those are areas that are hard for me to adhere to as a startup founder.

And when they say opposites attract, they weren’t kidding.

I have always wanted to create and run my own business. I’ve always been drawn to that independence and opportunity for creativity that comes with a startup. After nearly ten years as an entrepreneur, I can’t even fathom the thought of a nine to five job doing the same thing over and over again. I know I would never be happy. Yes, I want to build the best life possible for myself and my family, but I don’t want to settle. In my mind, being an entrepreneur is the absolute best opportunity to give the ones I love the best experiences in life possible. It requires the high risk and high reward of running my own business.

But these extremes got me thinking. What does my wife really mean when she shows her distaste for entrepreneurship? Does it mean she doesn’t support me or that she doesn’t want me to succeed? Does it mean she’s not proud of me?

After many conversations like the one we started this post with, I’ve realized that it doesn’t mean any of those things.

What it means is that she needed more communication and support from me. Rightfully so, she was scared and fearful that things wouldn’t work out. She loves our family so much, the thought of putting any of that in jeopardy was hard to manage. And that is a valid feeling to have.

So what do you do when you are a founder of a startup and your partner is the furthest thing from that? Because for you to succeed as a business leader, the relationship with your partner must be strong.

Communication

You knew this was coming; the whole “communication is key” thing. But it’s so true. You can’t expect your partner to understand if you don’t open up and express some of the emotional and mental struggles of being a founder.

And conversely, you need to hear things from their perspective as well. What you see and feel will be much different from what your partner sees and feels, so getting aligned is crucial.

To do this, have regular, consistent conversations about the business and open up about obstacles you are facing. Even if they don’t understand from a technical standpoint, sometimes you (and your partner) just need someone there to listen.

Celebrate the Wins and Support Each Other in the Losses

Sometimes it’s hard as a founder to celebrate. Reaching one milestone only opens up the door to a thousand more, and taking the time to pat yourself on the back seems irrelevant. That being said, it’s so important to celebrate the wins. Those are the motivating factors that will push you through the hard times. And for a bit of help, share those things with your partner. With them not being as ingrained in the business, they will be able to reiterate the importance of that win.

Just as important is finding support through the hardships. Running a startup can feel like one good day followed by a month of bad ones, so finding support in the face of obstacles is essential. Your partner can be a great person to offer that.

Set Realistic Goals Together

This may be a touchy subject for some couples, but because your business and personal life are so tied together, it’s worth discussing.

With most startups, there will be a period where you will work long hours for little pay, sometimes none. As entrepreneurs, we understand the risk and sacrifice and persevere forward, knowing what’s on the other side and believing we will get there. It is crucial, however, to view things from your partner’s perspective. Especially if you have kids, the thought of you pouring all your energy and time into something that doesn’t financially benefit the family at the moment can seem, let’s be honest, selfish.

Yes, we know. That may be a triggering word. After all, we work tirelessly to make sure our family is taken care of in the future, the complete opposite of selfishness. But that may not be how your partner views it.

That is why communication is so important and why it may make sense to set realistic goals with each other. Whether that is giving the business a reasonable time to succeed, setting distribution or payment goals for yourself, or even agreeing on how much time you are allocating to the business versus family time, getting on the same page can help your partner understand more. And, the more you both can align yourselves to these goals, the more buy-in they will have for your business.

What you do not want is to create a tug-of-war between your partner and your business. This may look like hiding information, downplaying their feelings, or not listening or respecting their wishes when it comes to the energy you put into your family. This antagonistic approach will create strife and distrust, making the three of you lose (you, your partner, and your business).

Conclusion

Running a startup is hard enough as it is. It can be even harder when you feel alone or misunderstood. Not being aligned with your partner can only make things more complicated and can only create more stress.

Take the time to talk with your spouse or significant other and find ways to support each other. Realize that they may not have the same feelings on entrepreneurship as you, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care or don’t want you to succeed. Make a concentrated effort to be vulnerable and open with your partner about your journey as a founder. This will help you get closer to finding work/life harmony and will help give you support as you scale your startup.