Breaking the Hustle Culture Mentality and Preparing for Fatherhood

I always had a 'maker' mind growing up, but it wasn't until I was 23 that I realized I really wanted to be an entrepreneur. A third-year college student at Fresno State University, I engulfed myself in anything and everything startup-related. I chose entrepreneurship as my major, I went to countless networking events and, I even competed in a half-dozen pitch competitions. My idols were those like Gary Vee and Guy Kawasaki, and yes, I watched as many episodes of Shark Tank as I could.

Any moment that wasn't focused on my business ideas or growing myself as an entrepreneur seemed wasteful. The "hustle culture" had been deeply ingrained in my psyche.

After stumbling around a few (truly terrible) business ideas, I fell into one that finally had some opportunity, and from there, I never looked back.

Trying to balance my final years at Fresno State, two full-time jobs, and an engagement to my now wife, Michelle, I decided to embark on my first true entrepreneurial adventure. I worked what accumulated to be about 80 hours a week, and most of my time in lectures was spent on my business (hence the negative trend of my collegiate GPA).

But, you know what, I was happy. It's all I ever wanted to do. I felt an immense amount of pride starting work before the sun came up and ending well after the sun set. I was indeed a hustler.

Yet, the telltale signs were there. And, me being a big Edgar Allen Poe fan, I should have seen it coming. I was blind (or rather, oblivious) to the immense amount of stress I was beginning to accumulate. Looking back now, I had so many sleepless nights contemplating traction and how to grow my company. I never really stopped to think how it might affect my relationship with Michelle, the relationship with myself, or what precedent I was setting for the relationships in my future.

It was always, "hustle now, family later,"

Sure, there were a few boiling points here and there. I had to quit one of my jobs because of a lack of time, and Michelle and I had frequent "is this all worth it" talks. You know, because of the whole not getting paid a salary from the business when you work this much thing.

My justification was always the same. I was going to work really, really hard for a few years, the business will blow up, and then I'll never have to work again (hopefully you are sighing with me as you read that). I felt I had to sacrifice some relationships at that moment so that I could focus on my startup and hopefully, one day, be able to spend more time on my personal life in the future.

And then I found out I was going to be a dad.

The second I saw that "+," I knew something had to change. It was like one of those scenes from the movies where the main character has 30 years of memories flash before their eyes, and suddenly they have the epiphany you were hoping they'd have twelve scenes ago.

The most extreme catalyst for change I had ever experienced, the thought of becoming a dad while trying to run my business, frightened the hell out of me. If you're reading this and are expecting or are already a father, see if you can recognize these doubts that started running through my head:

"What if my business fails? How will I support my family?"

"Can I be a good enough dad? Can I be a good enough CEO? Can I be a good enough husband?"

"I have enough trouble managing my schedule now. How do I handle a kid being thrown into the mix?"

And inevitably, "Will this take away from me being able to run my company?"

Don't get me wrong, I was (and still am) so excited to be a father. It was the one thing I knew I always wanted in my life, and I always promised myself I would be the best father in the world! But fear is a powerful force, and I knew I wasn't ready.

And to top it all off, I didn't know who to talk to about this change. There are a million resources for new parents and just as many for founders looking to grow their company, but nothing really for expecting fathers who also want to grow their company. And, unfortunately, all the advice I received from other dad founders consisted of things they wish they did differently or warning signs. There was no advice on how to maximize that experience.

So, over the next nine months, I began to make changes in the way I ran my company. And what I quickly realized is that there is no such thing as "work/life balance", at least not in a healthy way.

Think of a scale. For two things to balance, one thing has to get lighter, or one thing has to get heavier. I either had to put less energy and resources into my company to balance with the energy I needed for my family, or I had to magically develop more time and energy and resources. Finding work/life balance meant something was going to be sacrificed.

Instead, I sought work/life harmony. I wanted my business and my home life to work with each other. I wanted to optimize both without sacrificing either. So, long story short(er), here are five main things I changed:

I LEARNED HOW TO LET GO

One of my most significant flaws as a founder has been letting tasks go and handing them off to my team. I wanted to do everything, and I wanted to oversee everything. However, I knew if I was going to be an amazing dad, I needed more time and less stress.

And, of course, I still haven't mastered this skill, and I probably never will. But really putting effort into letting go and giving my team more responsibility allowed me to not only free up more time, it made my team and company stronger.

I LEARNED HOW TO TURN OFF

As founders, we are always "on". We think about our businesses every second we are awake and sometimes even dream about them. There's no escaping.

But I knew I didn't want to want to miss out on any moment with my little one, so I had to force myself to leave at a reasonable time from the office and forced myself to (try and) not look at my phone or overthink about the business when I was home. A skill I am still learning.

I LEARNED HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF

Before I was a dad, all my energy was put into my business and my relationship with my wife. When I became a dad, all my energy was put into my business, my wife, my new little one, learning how to take care of another human, feeding schedules, sleeping schedules, and so on.

What was missing from both was the energy needed to take care of myself. I learned that my own mental wellbeing played a considerable role in how I showed up for my team and my family. So, I made it a priority to do things occasionally that made me feel energized and happy: self-care.

I LEARNED (SORT OF) HOW TO MANAGE MY TIME

By far, the most significant change I knew was coming when I became a dad was the amount of time that was suddenly reallocated to the newborn. I physically could not do any more 80-hour weeks.

So when I was preparing for fatherhood, I tried to realign my schedule. My normal workday started at 6 am and ended at 7 or 8 pm. That wasn't going to fly with a baby. Instead of working longer hours, I knew I had to make the most of the hours I did have.

I REINVESTED IN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY SPOUSE

I founded Crated with Love, a date night box provider for couples. Making sure I was investing in my relationship with my wife has always been very important to me. Having said that, we were about to embark on our most challenging adventures yet, so stopping to realign was going to be crucial.

Like everything else listed, I am not perfect. There is always room for improvement, but strengthening relationship skills with my wife was imperative if I wanted to be a successful DadFounder. Plus, I knew it was going tough, and I needed that support system.

So, ready or not, Payton showed up at 4:42 am on September 19th, 2020, in the middle of the world's largest pandemic. And I was so thrilled.

I can honestly sit here and say that my business would've failed if I had not tried to break the hustle culture mentality. More importantly, I would have failed as a father. When Payton was three days old, I sat in her nursery rocking her to sleep, and at that moment, nothing else mattered. I didn't care about growth rate. I didn't care about profit and loss. I didn't care about expanding margin. All I cared about was her. And that purpose has been the most potent motivator for growing my company that I could have ever asked for.

So if you are currently a dad or are expecting your first, know that you're not alone. I know firsthand how difficult the transition can be, but it is well worth the effort. Just like adapting your marketing approach or pivoting into a new sector, being able to strengthen your skills as a dad first, founder second, will only improve your entrepreneurial experience.